Watch Out Kitties -- Lil' E

 
  This is Mixie. She attacks the golf balls I like to drag around.
 

This is Max. He's older than the kittens but younger than me.

I love Mimi and Papa's kittens. They let me pick them up without scratching me. It helps that I find where they're sleeping and pick them up half asleep. I've even figured out how to get them out from places I can't reach -- Water! Aim and Squeeze. Water shoots out from the hose and away they run.

My dad and mom don't like me squirting the kittens. I don't care! I turn the hose on them. At least I get them soaked before they put me in time out. I'm not allowed to use the water anymore.

But I showed them. They want me to eat what they call "healthy food." I, on the other hand, want Mini-Wheats. So I "eat" their food, at least I make it disappear. I drop it behind me. I drop it in front of me, under the table. I hide it under my chair cushion. I chew it up and then spit it on the floor, saying, "YUCK!" for emphasis. Of course they don't make me eat it.

I'd say, I'm winning -- water or no water!

Later,

Lil' E

I Have a Stalker! Lil' E

 I have a stalker! Everywhere I go, she is following me. When I run up the hill, she is there. When I run down the hill, she's still there. When I go to my room, she follows. When I go to the BATHROOM, she's there. (I can't believe she is still holding over my head the time(s) I unraveled the toilet paper.) I tell her to "go away!" but still she won't respect my words. Even today, I tried to run down the stairs to pet the deer and she was right there, slowing me down.

I hate having a stalker. I have to be careful where ever I am. Luckily, she doesn't take a nap with me so I can finally relax. Well, explore is more accurate. Today I explored right over to my mom's bag and dumped out all the sunflower seeds right on the floor. After that, I dumped out all the diapers. I tossed down all the pillows and jumped all over the room. Unfortunately, stalker woman caught me and made me go back to bed. Daddy made me pick up the sunflower seeds AFTER my nap. So unfair. Did I mention I was two and a half? Much too young to pick up seeds and they didn't even let me use a vacuum cleaner. How fair is that?

On the topic of fair, how fair is it that I'm the only boy here? Don't get me wrong, I love my cousins but they're girls. Girls are so maddening. They get me in trouble. How can they get mad when my stuffed animal pounces on their stuffed animal? How come when they build the tower, I can't knock it down? And why do they scream and cry when I splash them with water?

Girls can be such babies. Crying when I throw dirt at them. Crying because I tackle them. Crying because I hit them with the ball. They need to get some excitement in their lives. Doing hair, reading books and playing dress-up -- what is that? There is grass stew to be made. Mud pies to eat. Mountains to climb. Golf carts to ride. They need to live a little. If only they cared what I liked to do. Oh well, who wants to play with girls anyways?

My mom. The girl. She tells me that if I'm not loving, I'll have no one to play hide and seek or make up crazy animal walks or do gymnastics with me. (You should see my spider move - it's amazing - think spiderman on a horizontal wall.) I suppose my mom has a point. But she is missing me. She is not understanding me, the boy. She is missing that I AM showing love. I don't just throw dirt at anyone. I have to really love you to make you my target.

Same goes with biting. I would NEVER bite a stranger. Eew! Who knows where their skin has been? Yuk. But if I love you -- well, I just may show it with a bite. I don't think my mom will ever get it. I AM a boy. She IS a girl. We are not the same. Obviously.

I have to stick with Papa. He knows what guys do. Take garbage to the dump. Cut the wood. Exercise. Dig in the dirt. Today, he cut wood and I got to stack it. Neatly. In rows. With no messy cousins helping me.

Anyone know the Mommy stalker cure? I need an intervention.

Later,

Lil' e

Kitten Heaven -- Big E (a.k.a. Kitten Whisperer)

Finally! I've made it to Mimi and Papa's house and have my kittens. You can now refer to me as the Kitten Whisperer. Bootz rarely purred when being held. Until now. She's in love with me. I can make her purr and purr and purr. She cries when I put her down. She wants me to be with her all the time. Then there's Mixie, a gray striped kitty who loves to run after the pink ball and string -- she loves me, too.

Being with them, reminds me of my cat who is still recovering from maggot trauma. She's on the mend but my parents aren't paying for the recommended surgery to get her skin back in shape. It is so unfair that the animal hospital won't do it for free! One day, I'm going to own a clinic where everyone can come and get treated -- whether you have money or not. I love cats so much that one day I want to be a vet so I can be with cats all the time.

At Mimi and Papa's house, there aren't any robbers. Mimi told me so. I live in the city and there are lots of robbers. I'm still trying to figure out whether robbers only steal money or if they can steal kids, too. I hate that Adam and Eve ate the apple in the Garden of Eden. If they wouldn't have eaten the apple there wouldn't be any robbers in this world. I hate robbers. Why would anyone be one?

Breakfast with Mimi is amazing! She knows about my dad's chocolate chip pancakes so I thought I'd help her out when she wanted to make them. "It's all about the chocolate chips, Mimi. All about the chocolate chips." Determined to make them right, she kept those chips coming. My tongue swept across my lips with memories of chocolate.

I gulped down three before my dad was on the scene. After the "good mornings," I made my getaway. Before I'd closed the door, I heard him say, "Mimi, we use only four chocolate chips per pancake."

I held that grin all the way to the kittens.

The Kitten Whisperer

Airplanes! -- Lil' e

"More! More!" I cried as we got off the airplane. There were so many airplanes to ride -- giant salmon, killer whales, orange ones, blue ones -- all headed to Mimi and Papa's. I especially wanted to catch a ride on the airplane next to us on the tarmac. I tried to run for it but I didn't get far before joy robber mom grabbed my arm and didn't let me move.

I cried. It didn't help. Using my best two year old voice, I told her, "MORE AIRPLANE! MORE AIRPLANE!" She didn't seem to listen because she kept taking me up the stairs, away from the airplane. With legs dangling behind her and my body being carried as a football, she assured me I was going to ride another airplane but we had to find the one that was headed to Mimi and Papa's; otherwise, we wouldn't get to see them.

She convinced me. With new attitude, I raced down the corridor pulling my blue airplane shaped luggage and swinging my narrow hips towards the gigantic glass room with a hanging airplane. The window there went up forever, displaying trucks, airplanes, and more trucks! I immediately took ownership, "Mine! Mine! Mine!" as I pointed to trucks and airplanes. I even gave my mom one.

I tried to contain my smile, making it a short grin. But I couldn't help it, moving airplanes demanded a gleeful point and shout, "Airplane go up!" -- smile and all!

I made it to Mimi and Papa's. Within the first five minutes, I had driven in a golf cart, pet a bull snake wrapped around Papa's arm, and held all the kitties. After five more minutes, I moved dirt and made piles.

When I went to bed, sleep didn't appeal to me. I wanted, "More, More!"

Later,

Lil' e

Maggot Trauma -- Big E

LA is one happenin' place -- Lindsay Lohan going to jail (will she learn?), crime rates dropping, and fireworks every night at 9:30 (compliments of Disneyland). I can hardly imagine anyplace more in the scene. So far, summer has been filled with AMAZING cousin connections, trips to the library, shopping at Justice (who is always out of what I want...why do they bother putting out a catalog when they are just going to be out of it?) and gymnastics.

Occasionally, my mom tries to get me to work outside but who wants to get her hands dirty? Or, she tries to get me to pick lemons but I can't do that! I'm remind her that black widows can live in citrus trees so I can't pick them! I'm only 7, way to young to protect herself from spiders. Most of the time this excuse works. When it doesn't, I just lift Lil' e up and have him pick them.

I CANNOT wait until next week when I get to visit Mimi and Papa's kittens. I LOVE kittens. I wait all year for this visit because my dad would NEVER let me get a kitten. It is so unfair!

The mention of kittens, brings me to the most disturbing, traumatic thing that has ever happened to me. Yesterday, it was discovered that the cat had some poop on her hind end, flies had visited it, laid eggs, and yes, you know the result of fly eggs -- maggots. I cannot even tell you what I had to witness because it is too disturbing. However, I can tell you that I had to help my mom who was hosing down the cat and giving her a bath to get rid of some of the maggots. She cut off some of the clumps of hair that were housing these disgusting creatures. They were crawling up her hand. AND we had to stand in puddles of water that had come off the cat, which had poop AND maggots. It was so disgusting we definitely washed our feet before rushing to the hospital. Oedipus, my cat, is recovering after being taken to the animal hospital (where they spent an hour digging out maggots and have to check her twice a day for two more days to make sure they are all out!!) but I'm not sure I will ever recover. (About her name...Oedipus is a girl with a boy name because her first vet said she was a boy.)

After that, every piece of thread or shredded wheat I saw on the floor looked like maggot! The doctor said more would be coming out of her. Of course I couldn't sleep! I thought about how Oedipus had been on my bed the day before -- possibly with maggots. I was sure I felt something crawling up me when I got into bed. So I cried. My bed got stripped and I squirmed around before finally falling asleep. Of course I couldn't sleep there all night! I had to go into my parent's bedroom because I was still scared. My dad didn't let me sleep with them until after the third time of going in there. I wore him down, got what I wanted -- sleeping in their bed, which is much more comfortable and is maggot free.

You can be sure I'll be visiting them again tonight!

Off to read Falling Up to Oedipus, who needs company and entertainment. She is still in pain. Poor thing!

Big E

Potty Training - Little e

I've discovered the cause for overeating in children -- potty training. Do you know how many chocolate chips and cookies I can get in one day? Let me tell you, it's a lot. I've mastered the ability to go a little, hold a little. It works like this, whenever I finish my chocolate chips from the last round, I just jump right back on the potty for some more. Well, until my mom or dad puts the kibosh on my routine and make me go play. At night, I can get out of bed to go potty. They supply me with a water bottle in my bed so I can do it over and over. Well, until they kibosh me again and refuse to let me out of my bed. This poses another problem, making me stay in bed. I try to explain to them that I haven't brushed my teeth after having four sets of chocolate cat cookie rewards, but they won't listen.

I'm going to have the worst dentist appointment ever! I cried. No one listened. I ripped my blanket but no one came. I went to sleep.

This weekend I was up in the SB hood, with my cool Uncle Brian. He's so hip. We hung out together in the backyard, sitting quietly enjoying our cupcakes. He plays the most awesome music. I got down and did some break dancing in the yard. He cheered me on. I performed. I even dance with Lil' kc, my cousin who can put on the moves. The way she moves her hips is RIDICULOUS. She has got it. We danced together. Put on a show. Her moving her hips. Me rolling on the ground, doing break stuff. We had a few problems discussing whose song it was, "Mine!" I'd say.

She responded, "Mine!"

We volleyed back and forth, eventually I let her win. She's a girl and all. My dad told me you've got to let them win. Otherwise, they punish you and won't play any games. I let her win so she'd let me play with her toys.

Fireworks! Did you see fireworks? Oh my goodness, they are soooo cool. Way better than toy guns that make noise. I can't wait until next year. I'm still saying, "More, More" in hopes that they will come back.

I can't wait to visit those cousins again. They have a good dog. It's hard to find a good dog. I liked petting her. (I'm very afraid of dogs since getting bit by Grammy's dog.) Lil' kc encouraged me to pet her. She got on the dog's back, jumped on her, pulled her ear, pet her and screamed, "Linen!" While the dog was distracted, I ran in, pet her tail, and then ran over to tell my mom, "Good dog." I did this several times while Lil' kc was my decoy.

'nough said,

Potty Training Lil' e

I want my Daddy! -- Little e

 I want my Daddy! Summer is here and he's the only one who takes me on fun adventures. My mom is too busy cleaning out the garage to care about my needs. Last night with my daddy, I got to go to the mall playground, run lots of errands AND eat mini-wheats late at night with daddy and sissy. (Notice who wasn't there.)

I miss my daddy so much when he's at work. I hate it when I wake up and he's not here, like today. I went into his bedroom yelling, "Daddy, Daddy" and who pops her head up? Mommy. She says, "He's not here. He's gone to work." My world went black. I ran through the house, "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. I want my daddy." As if that wasn't enough I said, "All done, Daddy all done work." But nothing helped. He didn't come home.

You can imagine my distress. I threw lots of letters, dumped out my cereal, and tried to bite mommy and sissy. Of course, I got a time-out but it was such a relief!! To be away from two girls for a moment was fantastic -- I even refused to come out of a time-out twice because I needed more time alone. Issy and Mommy are always bossing me around for some reason -- telling me to do this and that. All I want to do is build and destroy, build and destroy. They just don't get it like Daddy does.

To make matters worse, Issy had a water bottle I wanted. She wouldn't give it to me. I did what I had to do. Scream, "Mine! Mine! Mine!" When that didn't help, I grabbed her shirt, grabbed her shorts and tried to grab her hair but she's too tall. Then I tried to spit on her. Of course, Issy started screaming so mommy got involved and she said I couldn't have the water bottle. Unbelievable! I did more of what I had to do. I took my snack AND my so-not-good-enough water bottle, threw them at Issy and screamed "Mine!". I got a time-out. It was so worth it! That will teach Issy and my Mom to pick on me. Boy-power! Daddy would have given me the water-bottle for sure.

Playing without boys is the worst. I throw balls to myself. Well, actually I throw them AT anything I can. After throwing them, I do a fist pump and yell, "Good throw, baby!!!" and run to get the ball. If Daddy was here, he would be saying that to me. I wouldn't have to say it to myself. Mommy does try. She offers to play catch but who wants to play with a girl?

Come home, Daddy. Play Blocks!

Later

Lil' E